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When I was in the state
of medical induced coma, my nightmares were terrible and vivid. In my nightmares,
I was being constantly tortured by nurses and doctors. Some nightmares even
repeated themselves, like a bad movie.
frustration and all of the negative emotions could be felt in my nightmares. Feeling
confused and frightened, there was a desperation in me as I didn’t know where I
was and wanted to go home or at least inform my parents that I will not be home
so soon. There were also silhouettes of dark
figures outside the room, looking in, as if waiting for something to happen.
consciousness around 2 and a half months from the date of my accident, I
remembered hearing and seeing children playing outside of my room in the ICU.
In the middle of the night, usually after 9.00pm to nearly midnight. There was
a particular boy, whom I suspected to be the leader of the group, a Chinese boy
wearing glasses, who looks to be around 7 to 8 years old.
Occasionally, this boy
will be peering inside my room with his friends and say in a loud voice, “I
don’t like it here, it is so quiet.”
What nerve! such a pesky
boy, I thought to myself. I couldn’t understand why the doctors and the nurses
would allow those kids to play and make noise outside of my room.
When my sister visited me
in the ICU, a few times I have complaint to her about those kids playing in the
middle of the night.
My sister looked puzzled and said, “There are no children
I insisted there were,
and that they are making so much noise in the middle of the night.
Calmly, my sister replied, “Don’t be bothered by them.”
Months later, when I was
transferred to the Burn Ward, I still recalled those children playing and questioned
my sister again.
She then told me, “Sis,
that ward is for adults only. The ICU for children is not located at the same
place. It is elsewhere.”
I insisted and told her
that this can’t be true as there were children playing there.
In a firm voice, my sister said, “Sis, from my
observation at the ICU, most of the patients in there are immobile and
critical. Nearly half of the patients entering ICU will not make it out alive!”
Suddenly a realisation
hit upon me, I pondered upon this. Who were those children? Why were they
there? I was still not feeling satisfied with the answer that I got.
One day, I decided to ask
one of the friendlier nurses who was attending to me during dressing. I narrated
to her the story about those children that I saw in the ICU.
The nurse had a
surprising look on her face, she paused for a while and said, “The adult ICU
used to be the ICU for children. Yes, children were there a long time ago”.
Finally, I had my answer.
I wasn’t crazy or hallucinating. The nurse then continued, “Eileyn, if you see
the children again, if they invite you to play with them, tell them NO.”
Giving her an incredulous
look, I replied, “Of course not! Who wants to play with them?”
I wasn’t really
frightened, just puzzled with what I saw. I did know that I was given morphine during
my medically induced coma, but that was before I was conscious of my
Strange happenings didn’t
only happen in the ICU, but also at the Burn Ward, from what I was told. One
day, my sister insisted that she saw a particular nurse at the Burn Ward, but
turns out that she was not on duty on that day. And she denied being around the
hospital on that day too.It seems this
doopleganger appearance doesn’t happen only once but a few times, witnessed by others
However, having shared
the above story, I don’t think one should worry about ghostly appearances at
the hospital. Whatever your religious background, just pray for protection and
for the beings to finally find peace and stop lurking around at the hospital.
International Women's Day is here once more. Some celebrated it. Some feel should not as a celebration of womanhood should be everyday. To me, these days can be served as a reminder to us. We can be preoccupied with our responsibilities, activities, our families and of life that we sometimes even forget our own birthday.
Today I reflected on the women who have impacted me. Because of these women, they inspired me to write a woman song in 2018.
Women Song sang on 8 March 2020, dedicated to all women readers here. I wrote it in 2018. There are so many women out there who made a big impact on me over the years since a teenager until today. Let me list them whom I can remember offhand:-
1) Anne Subashini - founder of The Inclusive Outdoor Classroom. I have the privilege to get to know her since drum circle days. Her passion is infectious. Her faith, her belief that there should be no division between children no matter of their backgrounds, no matter of their health conditioning is emp…
The birth of Patrick changed my marriage life from the two of us to the three of us, a family. We were excited, happy, worried followed by all kind of emotions for our baby son. So many things to learn, to experience. Breastfeeding, constant thoughts on our baby's well being especially when his jaundice appeared to rise during his first month. The lacking of sleep. There were moments I observed his breathing while he slept. We were amazed by every new mannerisms that Patrick displayed. We were so charmed when he first smiled to us. I would observed how gently my husband would treat Patrick and how Patrick would looked up to him, listening to his every word.
We were enjoying ourselves as new parents until something happened in the middle of November 2017 that changed our lives forever. "There is something not right with his stools."
My sister in law remarked to me while I tiredly changed Patrick's diapers. Mentally I can be exhausted as new mothers would be. We visited my s…
looked at his pale face and frail body on the hospital bed. Lines and tubes on
his legs and neck. There was a bag at the right side with yellowish looking
water inside. The liquid was not urine but water which had to be pumped out
from his stomach cavity. It was difficult
to see someone whom you have known since young to look so weak. He had lost
weight and aged considerably. It
was the second day of Chinese New Year. My sister and I took a trip down
to Kuala Lumpur to visit relatives. We visited a cousin at the High Dependency Unit,
he had liver cancer and was complaining of diarrhea. Visiting hours were 11.30am
to 1.30am and 5.30pm to 7.30pm. We had to take turns going in as only 2 guests
at a time are allowed.
having the experience of a prolonged stay at the hospital and being immobile, I
was tongue tied. I didn’t know what to say or how to comfort him. I could
only share with him of my previous struggle at the hospital. On
our second visit before our trip back to Penang, …