Friday, August 10, 2018

The last excruciating month

The last month of my pregnancy was very challenging. Not only did I gain more weight, which was enough to make others think I had twins. I started experiencing negativity from people who had misunderstandings towards me. 

I would try to limit myself from such people as I always find myself having just enough energy for myself and for my baby within. Anything further can really tire me out. Any expressed negativity would cause me to feel nauseous, headaches and so forth. 

I had read of complaints that some people would not be understanding towards pregnant women. The dangers of stressed-out-pregnancy. I did not understand what that meant until I experienced it myself. 

I became very concerned when my blood pressure started to be affected. Which never happened before during the previous months. The warning of miscarriage from my meditation message, which I had forgotten since early trimester suddenly returned to my mind. 

I was growing concerned. Should I focus on negativity which had no interest in resolution but to maim, hurt and destruct? Or should I focus on the life within? 

I started meditating strongly and prayed harder on my dilemma.

During prayers, I suddenly remembered of an experience, although I had not thought of it for more than 15 years.

Many years ago, when I was working in my first job in Kuala Lumpur, I found I had the worst supervisor among the rest in the department. She not only enjoyed undermining her staff’s work, she was the most negative in venting out her anger towards her staff. One of them, unfortunately a pregnant lady of first trimester. Or early stage of second trimester.

She made some mistakes at work. My supervisor was venting and scolding in her usual extreme manner. My pregnant peer went to me, crying. My heart softened when I saw her crying continuously. I encouraged her to think of the life within her. That our supervisor always that way. Just focus on the life within. 

With tears in her eyes and sobbing voice, she nodded. Soon after, she miscarried. I was sad for her. Angry at the supervisor for being thoughtless and not caring for the pregnant lady’s wellbeing.

Another memory came to me. My friend who was pregnant with a third child shared with me her fear of losing her baby. Her boss was venting at her negatively. She could not stand the stress and was bleeding. She had to take leave from work and not move from her bed much to stabilise her pregnancy. I remember I advised her to focus on the life within her. Ignore her boss’s negativity. Thankfully, after sufficient rest, her pregnancy stablised and today she has a healthy baby daughter.

These memories came to me during prayers, which I felt was a message especially warning to me. That if I allow negativity of people and environment to affect me, worst case scenario - I would lose my child. Was it worth it?

No…life gone, gone forever. The people who expressed such negativity still continue living. Why must focus on such whom have no regards for vulnerable pregnant ladies? Whenever I prayed after feeling trouble with the negative people who decided to disregard the vulnerability of the last month of my pregnancy, I always find good people turning up. 

Surprisingly, these people gave me the same words of advice, which I had given to others - focus on the life within. 

Eventually, with meditation to calm down my stress, with prayers, with good people who kept reminding me what is more important…my son was born safely.

Thank God. Thanks for the goodness of Humanity which I experienced.

For any pregnant mummies who is reading this experience of mine - If you face negativity in your environment, from negative people…. please stay focused. The life within you is irreplaceable. Precious life to be protected. If others make your life more challenging, please take a step back. Away from such stresses. 

Find an outlet to destress. To calm down. For me, I relied upon meditation and prayers. If others are insensitive and less empathic to your unborn child, be the one to be sensitive and of empathy to your own child. You can do it. Believe it so, by not focusing on stresses of negativity.

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