Thursday, August 9, 2018

Unexpected Pregnancy

I could not believe what I saw. My breath held in seconds. My eyes widened, to take in fully of what I held in my hand. Especially the results shown on that white device. 

Yet there it was. That unmistaken sign. 

I ran out from the toilet.

“It’s positive! Positive!”

My husband kept silent while he continued his prayers.

I had been behaving oddly. I noticed it. Probably hormonal changes due to my coming menses. Usually when I became more emotional than usual, it’s usually a sign of coming menses or lacking physical rest. Irritation or easily moved emotionally would be the consequence until I meditated and prayed to relaxation of my mind, emotions and especially body. How deep I did this, would determine how long the effects would last during the day. 

I cannot remember the exact date. It was the month of January 2017. After we returned from Bali. We attended the last course of Qigong. It felt good, physically. Energised but still in need of physical rest. I had not been getting my adequate sleeping hours.

I suddenly felt compelled to go into Youtube. To search for a particular song. How far I’ll go. A song from animation film, Moana. I kept replaying it. I felt emotional. All of a sudden, a thought came - my dreams finally come true.

I paused at that thought. What dreams? what come true? No answer came to mind. 

Puzzled, I continued to listen a few more times before I closed Youtube. Even my husband noticed something appeared not normal with me. For suddenly I kept listening to the song. 

I cannot explain what difference I felt inside of my body. Just different, which I casually linked to hormonal changes of my coming menses. Which was delayed later. That can be normal due to lack of physical rest.

By the time I saw the positive results, it was already in the month of February 2017. My husband and myself was supposed to do a detox linked to an ancient yoga practice. We had made arrangements to conduct a detox retreat together with a yoga teacher. She would lead the participants to do Shankhaprakshalana yoga asanas that would have the reaction of participants rushing for the toilet. Myself and my husband will conduct Qigong and other aspect of wellness. 

My husband felt we should experience Shankhaprakshalana. We made arrangements on a Thursday or Friday to do the exercise in the following week, preferably on a Monday. 

However, I had this nagging feeling that I should not. I especially had a reaction when the yoga teacher said pregnant ladies should not go for detox program. 

Am I pregnant?? 

Nahh, I don’t think so.

However, I cannot ignore this feeling. 

Don’t do the detox. Don’t. That thought kept rising in me whenever I thought of detox. 
I was consciously convinced I was not pregnant. Yet what harm to get a pregnancy kit. 

To my surprise and to my husband - the test revealed that I AM pregnant.

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