Thursday, August 9, 2018

Unexpected Pregnancy

I could not believe what I saw. My breath held in seconds. My eyes widened to take in fully of what I held in my hand. Especially the results shown on that white device.

Yet there it was. That unmistaken sign. 

I ran out from the toilet, shouting, "It's positive! POSITIVE!" 

My husband maintained his silence while continued his prayers. 

I wanted to confirm once more of my pregnancy.  A few days later I bought Clearblue pregnancy kit. Again it stated I am pregnant. This time highlighted the estimated number of weeks of pregnancy. 
My pregnancy kit that revealed the number of weeks of my pregnancy
I had been behaving oddly. I noticed it. Probably hormonal changes due to my coming menses. Usually when I became more emotional than usual, it's a sign of coming menses or lacking physical rest. 

I would either get easily irritated or more emotional than before. Only with meditation and prayers I shall be able to calm and relax my mind, emotions especially my body. The deeper the relaxation the longer the effects would last during the day.

I cannot remember the exact date when I started to behave oddly. It was the month of January 2017. After we returned from Bali. We attended the last course of Qigong. It felt good physically. I may feel energised. However my body still in need of physical rest. I had not been getting my adequate sleeping hours. At the most six hours of sleep daily. To be my optimum, I find myself well-rested with 8 hours of sleep. 

I suddenly felt compelled to go into YouTube. To search for a particular song; "How far I'll go." It was from the animation film Moana. I kept replaying it. My emotions rising higher and higher. All of a sudden, a thought came - my dreams finally come true. I paused at that. What dreams? What come true? No answer came to mind.  


Coming of new dawn, bringing new dreams and hopes to me.
Photo taken by my mobile.
Puzzled, I continued to listen to a few more times before I close the YouTube page. I sang each word of the song aloud. One of which was, "see the light as it shines on the sea?" Something was happening. I just do not know what it was. Even my husband noticed I was not behaving normally. 

For suddenly I kept obsessively listening to the same song.  I cannot explain what difference I felt in my body. I casually linked to hormonal changes of my coming menses. And it had been delayed. Likely this is due to lack of physical rest. 

By the time I saw the positive results, it was already in the month of February 2017. My husband and myself was supposed to do a detox linked to an ancient yoga practice. We had made arrangements to conduct a detox retreat together with a yoga teacher. 

She would lead the participants to do Shankhaprakshalana yoga asanas  that would have the reaction of participants rushing for the toilet. Myself and my husband will conduct Qigong and other aspect of wellness. 

My husband felt we should experience Shankhaprakshalana. We made arrangements on a Thursday or Friday to do the exercise in the following week, preferably a  Monday.

However, I had this nagging feeling that I should not. I especially had a reaction when the yoga teacher said pregnant ladies should not go for detox program. 

Am I pregnant?? 

Nahh, I don't think so. However, I cannot ignore this feeling. Don't do the detox. Don't. That thought kept rising in me whenever I thought of detox. 

Consciously I was convinced I was not pregnant. Yet what harm to get a pregnancy kit.  

To my surprise and to my husband - the test revealed that I AM pregnant. 


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