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Reflections And Coming Of New Year

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Last day of 2019 have arrived. Much have happened in my life; mentally, emotionally, physically, in my relationships especially in my family. I have been in reflective mode since Christmas Day. Moments which awakens me to the best of humanity. Moments that were worrisome when Patrick appearing to have symptoms which at first were not positive during his new liver transitioning stage. I finally took part in a workshop that unleash the creative expression in me after a long absence from experiencing and experimenting with the creative side of me. On the month of November and December 2019, an NGO invited me to conduct doll-making workshops whose major work involved hospital patients and sickly children. I have amazing encounters  and moments with Nature’s creatures. 

My first witness of the birth of a ladybird coming  out from its cocoon. This happened in my garden. 

Ladybird interacting with me after I offered my hand in friendship.

It was in December 2019 I got reminded how far I have cha…

From Nothing To Something

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For a long time, I preferred certainty. To have precise plans. I know what I want for myself for the day. I make my choice for lunch before the actual lunch hour. I know where I am going in my life. What I want for myself. I know my likes and dislikes. I want to be in control of my life and my emotions. If I became emotional due stresses of life circumstances, I usually be hard on myself by saying these words to myself, "enough is enough. Time to stop this. Don't complain. Move forward." And onward I go, believing this was the way to be without processing my emotions especially if I considered them to be of negativity and unproductive.

And then...life happens.

In time I learned no matter how planned I try to make my life to be, something plan may end up nothing. And nothing planned may end up to something.

Let me give you an example. Look at the doll below.


I made this doll out of socks. If you tell me in my 20s and 30s that one day I will make dolls in my 40s, I will …

Seeing Hearts

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The moon, stars and clouds accompanied our usual night walks. Occasionally we get to see neighbours walking on the streets. There would be a few who walked their dogs.  A couple always brisked walking at night. When they see us, they would say hello with a wave of their hands. Patrick would respond with an enthusiastic "hi!".
I would point out the trees, bushes and flowers on the side of the road to Patrick.  I would take this opportunity to teach him what they are. He would sometimes observed with interest. Occasionally he wished to touch them.


On the night of 8 December 2019, something else accompanied us. Something different.
"What is that?"
My finger pointed on the road. On a wet patch on the road. Earlier it had rained. 
Patrick's eyes stared steadily.
"Heart".
   Patrick identifying Heart on the road.
Before that Heart shape on the ground, I was pondering on the earlier discussion with a few friends. We were discussing on a project which I consi…

Healing Through Nature

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Just recently, I was thinking of what I can do with all the pictures I have taken of my garden through my mobiIe phone. 

Life has a strange way of giving inspiration at the right time. It so happened I was reading a book on writing poetry. One of the suggestions given is to look at a picture and write something about it. Thus, that started my journey of composing my thoughts and short motivational quotes to accompany the photos.





Personally, I feel nature has helped in my rejuvenation and healing process.
As a burn survivor, I remember being cooped up for a long time at the burn ward, recovering slowly from burns. Indeed a depressing time.

Sitting on a wheelchair for the first time, my sister informed me of a small patch of garden near the hospital. I was excited as she wheeled me out from the burn ward. 

Breathing the warm fresh air and looking at the greenery, they gave me hope that one day I could walk and visit a bigger natural surrounding. 

I constantly worried about the condition of my…

Life After Liver Transplant

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It has been almost half a year since my last blog. There were many moments we have experienced as  a family. The good times, the worrying times. The blessings and gratitude. 
We reached Renji Hospital, Shanghai, China in the middle of June 2019. We stayed for almost 6 weeks; from preparation for the liver transplant surgery, surgery, ICU and recovery stage. 
Patrick's surgery scheduled on 2 July 2019. The surgery was successful with no complications. Immediately after the surgery, they send him to ICU. After almost a week, he was discharged to normal ward. 
We get to observe his progress in the ICU by the doctors' daily photo taking to us. Seeing his face made us feel comforted. There were moments I am concerned Patrick will get scared to where he was and that he may have thoughts we abandon him. I prayed for his safe recovery in ICU, hoping it would not be too long. I have heard there was one baby after his liver transplant surgery who needed to be in ICU for two weeks due to co…

Voices 2019

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After starting this blog, I realised I need to improve my writing. I have always felt that my writing lacks a certain oomph.
Last month, I spotted this on Facebook:-

   What captured my attention - emerging or aspiring women writers! 
Should I try it out? I hesitated. A little voice spoke to me inside my head, give it a shot, what do you have to lose? The most they would not select you as a participant. 
Fearing that I may change my mind, I hurriedly copied and edited a few articles that I had earlier wrote on this blog and tried my luck. After submitting, anxiety began to creep in. What did I do?  Once again the little voice said, never mind, it is done. Don’t worry about it.
Last day for submission was on the 2nd October 2019, it would also be the day of the decision. I submitted on the 1st October 2019.
The next day, I received an e-mail with the heading "[VOICES 2019] CONGRATS ! You have been selected". My heart was racing as I read the email. Joy turned to dread and doubt. Wh…

Going Back To Work

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“Eileyn, it is time to update your blog,” my sister told me.

Even though it was annoying to hear it from her, I knew she was right.

A few of my friends have been wondering why I stopped writing for a few months and whether anything has happened to me. 

I assured them that everything was alright. I had started working again.  Just a few years ago, I didn’t think I would go back to work anymore.

Being immobile in the ICU, I had plenty of time to think.It was the only thing I could do.  Did I have a happy life before the explosion? Was my life worth it? Will I ever be able to get out of hospital?  So many things ran through my mind.




As I reflected on my life, I remember having feelings of regret that I spent too much time at work.  I told myself when I am well again; I didn’t want to go back to the same job anymore. I have lost interest in it.  It didn’t just happen after the burn. I have been losing interest even before the burn. It was in the ICU that I realised how much time I had wasted …