Now, two years later, after college, I got an opportunity to follow some friends to ClubMed for a sponsored seven day stay in return for some promotional work. So of course I followed them!
Although the holiday I pictured in my mind was going to be filled with fun it wasn't so simple. Let me explain. I am the type of person who searches for things I'm afraid of and challenge's myself to overcome them. I do not want fear to stand in the way of me living my life and experiencing everything life has to offer and so instead, I seek them out to be conquered. And of course, for the rush. Whats the fun of walking to a place when u can swim , bungee jump and tunnel to it.
To begin, I had the choice of going with my family or with these friends. It was kind of intimidating following three people who have known each other for ages and are best friends. Will I be in their way? Fit with them? But, i went anyway. They turned out to be really nice with their encouraging " Go for it bro" phrases, their constant jokes,listening ears and adventurous attitudes. So fear was defeated.
The biggest fear I faced had to be doing trapeze.
The first day we reached club med, we changed and went for trapeze. I convinced myself that the only way to get it done was to just jump into it and of course the excitement was killing me. Not doing trapeze was not even an option.After all the anticipation and stories I had heard , there was only one option. After the first day of somehow doing it successfully , I found every excuse to skip it and instead went for archery, went to the beach, to the gym. It was a constant struggle. I would wake up thinking that that is the craziest stunt I had ever done and when I actually did it I remembered how fun it was and that actually, it wasn't that frightening. But every morning , the struggle would ensue. In the end, I went for it for 4 out of 7 days, which was hard but by the time the last day arrived I was enjoying it so much that I knew I missed out on more trapeze due to my fear. I had succumbed , to a certain degree.
And of course there are the other lack-of-self esteem causing fears which are unreasonable but still remain there. Especially when you are dealing and interacting daily with people who have seen the world and challenge your thinking. Do you stay to interact or rush off to bed? Do you dance because you enjoy dancing or do you follow the rest and stay put?
So, the real question is how do I feel about my decisions? Am I proud of myself for going forward anyway at every step and not choosing the easier path.Well,yes.
Make fear you're friend instead of you're enemy. Face up to it and I promise you extraordinary experiences and an uncompromising future. I may be a timid person,but I don't let it stop me. I may still be afraid but my experiences say otherwise. And that's all that matters. Maybe one day I may convince myself that I'm actually brave. But for now, I'm just dancing with fear and living my life.