Showing posts from December, 2018

One Year Passed

One year almost ending, another year coming. We have gone through a lot together as a family. Our perception of life, humanity and love has changed so much. I credit this to Patrick's presence in our lives.
As I am writing now, Patrick tried to attract my attention by sudden chuckles. I will stop writing, hold him and kiss him. Exactly a year ago, I tried hard tomake him smile and laugh.
Today, he takes initiatives to make us smile and laugh. 
On this journey I met courageous and amazing people whom inspired me, supported me, strengthen me. I have strong support from my parents and brother when comes to Patrick's well being. My in-laws have given their support in their own way as well. 

The closest and greatest support would be my husband. He has tirelessly taken care of us even when he is exhausted from work. He would encourage me when my emotions became affected. I am blessed I have a good husband and a good dad to Patrick. For with his presence made our lives complete and lovin…


On a journey of uncertainty, confusion, chaos and emotional turbulence, that is when we turn to Faith. Some lost Faith when they did not get the answers they wanted or what they prayed for did not manifest. Some Faiths however strengthen despite the journey appearing more unknown and uncertain.
To me, Faith is a personal journey. No one can tell you what you should do with your Faith. It's yours alone and not for others to dictate what it should be to their understanding. To their belief system. To their comfort zone. For God would show the ever faithful His Answer, His Direction. His Guidance.
I remembered my Faith was weakened in the month of April 2018. Patrick's jaundice did not appear to be growing any better. In fact, it was steadily increasing in bilirubin. My mother questioned on why is he not getting any better. Sometimes I do not know how to answer her. How could I give her a definite answer when the doctors could not?
On average, I had been sleeping 3 hours nightly bec…

Patrick's Empathy

26 December 2018

We had a doctor's appointment to do echocardiogram on Patrick's heart. It is a diagnostic cardio ultrasound. Once he realised we were in the hospital again, Patrick became slightly nervous. He would sometimes fidget more in anticipation of a medical procedure to be done on him once more.
Whenever we follow up on Patrick's medical appointments, we usually assured him it would not be painful nor a scary medical procedure. That it was because he over-think which made it a scary experience.  If he need to take a blood test on that day, we tell him the Truth - that there would be pain but it would be a short pain. 
We were requested to sit in the waiting lounge while we waited for Patrick's name to be called. We tried to distract him by playing with him. We allowed him to stand and lean against our bodies while his eyes would move around the room.
There were some patients waiting in the lounge as well. Many of them looked unhappy and even jaded. Only Patrick wa…


Before I walked on my spiritual path and journey, I used to have a ‘healthy level of skepticism’ or so I justified to myself. People cannot be too nice to you with no reason. Based on my experiences and of my friends’ sharing, people tend to want something back for being ‘nice’ and ‘kind’ to you. It’s either a favour which you alone can give to him/her, or wanting a friendship that can give him or her emotional support but he or she may not necessarily offer the same in return.

My dad used to share with me that when he was at corporate top management level, he was surrounded by many ‘friends’. His colleagues’ wives would invite my mum to social gatherings. They would always appear very helpful to my parents. That all stopped when my dad quit his job and decided to go into his own business. However, because it was the recession, his business faced problems trying to maintain its overhead costs.
To dad’s disappointment, all except for one of these ‘friends’ disappeared from his life. I he…

A New Year Is Coming!

The year 2018 is ending. Other than celebrating the coming of the new year 2019, it is necessary to reflect on this year. In retrospect, 2018 has been quite an important period for me. Some of my major highlights:-
1) Surgery on my fistula – had a sore bottom for 2 weeks. Couldn’t sit comfortably throughout the duration. Felt so swollen down there.
2) Colostomy reversal operation – I had my Colostomy reversal operation a few months after my fistula surgery. Finally, I can use the toilet like everyone else.Yay! free from pooing into the bag. Even though I had to endure constipation for a month post operation, it was worth the suffering as the operation has helped me to feel ‘normal’ again. 

Before my colostomy reversal, I used the wear the above colostomy bag which had to be attached to my ‘stoma’ which was located at the left side of my stomach. Sometimes, the bag leaked and it would be very smelly. Unlike the rectum, the stoma has no control over the output of the faeces.

3) After my st…

Singing Mummy and Son

One of the most joyful experience I have as a mother is singing to Patrick. I sang to him when he was in my womb. Once he was out in this world, I still continued singing for him. Usually I sang to him songs I have written or created on the spot for him.
He used to just listen. His smiles would be the response for my efforts. Until recently, Patrick started to join me in singing, adding his own voice and tune. And now we can be a singing duo of mummy and son! 

Mother & son singing for you,  Expressing our hearts so true,  Angelic singers we are not,  Hoping our voices don't knot.  Loving each moment more and more,  It has not been so far a bore,  For mummy always sing, dance, laugh  One day you can ask for our autograph.  16 Dec 2018 ©Cordelia Lee 
P/s -  I don't know how to write yet. I will autographed  my fist onto your paper instead. (Patrick)

I love to sing aloud to Patrick by spontaneously create songs for him. His usual response would be with big smiles or chuckles. His body sway…

Action Plan Before Hospitalisation

Based on the rapid loss of his weight, we decided that it was time to admit Patrick to the hospital for nasogastric tube procedure in the middle of June 2018.
It was not the first time he had that procedure.  I could not remember exactly which day that we admitted him to the hospital for the said procedure. It was sometime between the period of April - May 2018. He was hospitalised for a few days. 
I remembered he was not happy and cried on the day of admittance. I attempted to cheer him up on that day. However, he managed to pull it all out during Malaysia's Election Day on May 9, 2018. How could I remember that date well? It was because I remembered texting my husband that Patrick removed his tube. My husband was back in his hometown to cast his vote. I was taking a nap in the living hall while my son slept in his own chair. I suddenly woke up to his cries and discovered that the tube was no longer inside his nostril.
After the discussion with my husband, we decided against reinser…