From Nothing To Something

For a long time, I preferred certainty. To have precise plans. I know what I want for myself for the day. I make my choice for lunch before the actual lunch hour. I know where I am going in my life. What I want for myself. I know my likes and dislikes. I want to be in control of my life and my emotions. If I became emotional due stresses of life circumstances, I usually be hard on myself by saying these words to myself, "enough is enough. Time to stop this. Don't complain. Move forward." And onward I go, believing this was the way to be without processing my emotions especially if I considered them to be of negativity and unproductive.

And happens.

In time I learned no matter how planned I try to make my life to be, something plan may end up nothing. And nothing planned may end up to something.

Let me give you an example. Look at the doll below.

Olaf doll I made in early December 2019

I made this doll out of socks. If you tell me in my 20s and 30s that one day I will make dolls in my 40s, I will laugh at you. Me? A doll maker? The last time I was into dolls was probably when I was 9 years old. I outgrew them. I would never consider myself making dolls. Yet here I am today.

Dolls I made for fundraising and to give away for charity.
From attempting to make sock dolls as part of my creative awakening journey in 2012 to making dolls for a friend for love, comfort and hugs. She died a few years ago. Along the way, I made dolls for fundraising, given as gifts to orphanages or charity homes (whom I feel require gifts of love, companionship and comfort). I have given as gifts to friends; adults and children. When they come to my home and see these dolls displayed at the glass cabinet, sometimes they will request for the dolls.

Over the years, I have been teaching sock doll making on an invitation by NGOs. (Cybercare-UNHCR, World Vision Malaysia, Breast Cancer Group Support Johor BahruThe Inclusive Outdoor Classroom and Ronald McDonald House Charities Malaysia). Through these experiences my understanding of refugees, special needs children, breast cancer survivors among others widen my life perspective. My understanding widens regarding the work scope of each NGOs do to assist humanity. I always feel humbled, more appreciative of my life with each encounter.

Doll Making Workshop with Ronald McDonald House Charities Malaysia.

Doll Making Workshop with The Inclusive Outdoor Classroom

Doll Making Workshop with Cybercare-UNHCR

Doll Making Workshop with Breast Cancer Group Support JB.

Doll Making Workshop with World Vision Malaysia

Through this journey, I got to experience incredible human experiences, enriching my heart and humanity. Because of this, a stranger asked me for a hug although I knew her less than an hour. She was a cashier in a shop, a young lady of 21 years old. She noticed the quantity of socks I bought and inquired out of curiousity why that quantity. That sparked our conversation beyond the sales. Just when I want to leave the shop, she suddenly requested for a hug from me. I was taken aback and wondered why. I decided not to think too much. To be at the moment with this young lady. Our hug brought her to tears which led to further conversation.

That she was lonely.  She honestly shared that she did not have many friends and working hard to
I hope this doll continues to give her love, 
comfort and hugs whenever she needs it
support her family's finances. That she is stressful over her
family issue and of trying to make ends meet. I was growing concern by her openness.

I remembered I gave her advice not to approach any stranger with such vulnerability as not everyone is nice, unfortunately. There are those with bad intention based upon my experiences. She shared that it was the first time she did this. She shared that she could not help but be touched by me.  I reminded her of someone she knew. When she first met me, my face gave her good vibes.That if she did not make that request, she had a feeling it would be the last time we would connect. So, she took a risk to ask for a hug from a total stranger.

We met up once more with a gift in my hand for her. I made a rabbit sock doll, hoping it shall give her the comfort and love especially during moments of loneliness.

Thereafter, we connected for a few more years. Today no longer. I wished her well wherever she is today.

I had no desire to make dolls, to be honest. I was feeling tired and stressed then. I assumed it may be a one-time experience to help me unwind my stress and lift my spirits up. This activity has unexpectedly become much more today.

Over the years I discovered a doll may not be just a doll. A representation of hope, love, comfort, hugs and kisses even. When Patrick was in much discomfort during his recovery from the liver transplant surgery, a few friends made arrangements to deliver dolls to the hospital room. Patrick would touch each doll with a smile and showered it with hugs and kisses. His face would look more relaxed, no longer stressed by the daily hospital procedures. He would be happier at the moment although temporarily. The dolls made a big impact on lifting his emotions up.

I end this article with my poem below.

Stitch by stitch, our fingers moved, 
Like dancing birds in a groove 
Winged Hearts glow throughout and soar
Dreams came to life, to explore
Let our visions come and be
Dolls’ll soon reveal for us to see. 
From nothing to something
Magic in the making.
Life can be like a rainbow
Yet it is WE to make it so.
Don’t wait for others
Just let your beautiful colours show. 
11 Dec 2016
© Cordelia Lee


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