The Last Excruciating Month

September 2017

The last month of my pregnancy was very challenging. Not only did I gain more weight, which was enough to make others think I had twins. I started experiencing negativity from people who had misunderstandings towards me. 

I would try to limit myself from such people as I always find myself having just enough energy for myself and for my baby within. Anything further can really tire me out. Any expressed negativity would cause me to feel nauseous, headaches and so forth. 

I had read of complaints that some people were not understanding towards pregnant women. The dangers of stressed-out-pregnancy. I did not understand what that meant until I experienced it myself. 

I became very concerned when my blood pressure started to be affected. That never happened before during the previous months. The constant pressure from these group of negative people towards me were relentless and unforgiving. I could not help but wonder why they cannot wait until I have given birth which was approximately a month away. Could they not see what they were doing towards a vulnerable pregnant woman? Any person of common sense would be aware that the first trimester and the last month of the pregnancy are the most vulnerable period for miscarriage. More care needed during these precious moments. 

If they had wanted resolution to their inner conflict towards me why can't they wait instead of putting pressure on me? I admit there were moments I wondered why were they behaving in that manner. It was already not easy trying to maintain my composure with the added weight onto my body frame, physical pain and hormonal changes. These added negativity that came almost cause me to be an emotional wreck. 

I felt I would burst under so much pressure to
my mind, heart and physical stress.

The warning of miscarriage from my meditation message, which I had forgotten since early trimester suddenly returned to my mind. 

I was growing concerned. And fear started to rise as well of losing my baby. Should I focus on negativity which had no interest in resolution but to maim, hurt and destruct? Or should I focus on the life within? 

I started meditating strongly and prayed harder on my dilemma.

Praying for salvation. Praying for my pregnancy to be safe.

During prayers, I suddenly remembered of an experience, although I had not thought of it for more than 15 years.

Many years ago, when I was working in my first job in Kuala Lumpur, I found that I had the worst supervisor among the rest in the department. She not only enjoyed undermining her staff’s work, she was the most negative in venting out her anger towards her staff. One of them, unfortunately a pregnant lady of first trimester. Or early stage of second trimester.

She made some mistakes at work. My supervisor was venting and scolding in her usual extreme manner. My pregnant peer went to me, crying. My heart softened when I saw her crying continuously. I encouraged her to think of the life within her. That our supervisor was always behaving that way. Just focus on the life within. 

With tears in her eyes and sobbing voice, she nodded. Soon after, she had a miscarriage. I was sad for her. I was angry at the supervisor for being thoughtless and not caring for the pregnant lady’s wellbeing.

Another memory came to me. My friend who was pregnant with a third child shared with me her fear of losing her baby. Her boss was venting at her negatively. She could not stand the stress and was bleeding. She had to take leave from work and not move from her bed much to stabilise her pregnancy. I remember I advised her to focus on the life within her. To ignore her boss’s negativity. Thankfully, after sufficient rest, her pregnancy stabilised and today she has a healthy baby daughter. 

There was an incident that happened closer to the middle of 2017 where a pregnant woman faced so much stress because she was robbed during an Uber ride. She later lost her baby in a miscarriage.

These memories came to me during prayers, which I felt was a message especially warning to me. That if I allow the negativity of people and environment to affect me, worst case scenario - I would lose my child. Was it worth it?

Reminded me of my once pregnant bump.

No…life gone, gone forever. The people who expressed such negativity will still continue living. Why must I focus on those whom have no regards towards vulnerable pregnant ladies? Whenever I prayed after feeling trouble with the negative people who decided to disregard the vulnerability of the last month of my pregnancy, I always find good people turning up.  Especially after my prayers.

Surprisingly, these people gave me the same words of advice, which I had given to others - focus on the life within. Friends of different faiths would come to me with advice and occasionally shared their religious verses with me as encouragement.

I remembered once I had this strong feeling after prayers to search for something from the internet. I did not know what it was. I followed my feelings. I could not remember now what I typed. It brought me to the verse I sorely needed to hear that caused me to burst out in tears. I felt God answered my prayers. 

This made me have Faith I am not alone!

I decided to strengthen my Faith and refocus on my meditation to calm down my stress.  Together with prayers, with good people who kept reminding me what is more important…my son was born safely.

Yes! My son born safely to this world!

Thank God. Thanks for the goodness of Humanity which I experienced.

For any pregnant mummies who is reading this experience of mine - If you face negativity in your environment, from negative people…. please stay focused. The life within you is irreplaceable. Precious life to be protected. If others make your life more challenging, please take a step back. Away from such stresses. 

Find an outlet to destress. To calm down. For me, I relied upon meditation and prayers. If others are insensitive and less empathic towards your unborn child, be the one who is sensitive and of empathy towards your own child. You can do it. Believe it so, by not focusing on stresses of negativity.