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Each time I walked pass the room, the lady noticed me and smile. I responded the same. Today, the last day of my stay. I decided to go beyond a smile.
This time, I walked into her room. Our eyes met, our smiles to each other. Her baby in an incubator.
"Hi. I always hear your baby crying. Is she ok?"
With sad eyes, she replied, "Likely because she is hungry. She is fasting."
This was the NEC baby which I learned earlier from a nurse.
Before I introduced myself to her, there were days I kept hearing this voice which appeared to sound these words "there,there, there, there..." whenever the baby cried. It can be day. It can be night time, even during sleeping hours.
To me, this represented how loving was that mother to her NEC afflicted baby
We shared our babies' health condition.
I shared that whenever I hear her baby's cry, I can feel her baby's pain and suffering
"As mothers, we feel other babies' pain as well. Not just our own."
Before we parted, she said prayers for my son's well-being. I offered the same for her baby too.
As I returned to my room, I reflected. There were so many strong mothers. Courageous even. To face the reality of a sickly child is not easy. The sleepless nights. Mental and emotional exhaustion. Faces sometimes revealed the state of physical exhaustion. Despite that, a gentle smile of a strong mother always rises, like the sun at dawn.
Some part of me wanted to give a tribute to these mothers. Sometimes I did, with words of encouragement and acknowledgement for what they have done. I feel I should do more. I shall know later what to be done. For now, Patrick is my focus.
On a journey of uncertainty, confusion, chaos and emotional turbulence, that is when we turn to Faith. Some lost Faith when they did not get the answers they wanted or what they prayed for did not manifest. Some Faiths however strengthen despite the journey appearing more unknown and uncertain. To me, Faith is a personal journey. No one can tell you what you should do with your Faith. It's yours alone and not for others to dictate what it should be to their understanding. To their belief system. To their comfort zone. For God would show the ever faithful His Answer, His Direction. His Guidance. I remembered my Faith was weakened in the month of April 2018. Patrick's jaundice did not appear to be growing any better. In fact, it was steadily increasing in bilirubin. My mother questioned on why is he not getting any better. Sometimes I do not know how to answer her. How could I give her a definite answer when the doctors could not? On average, I had been sleeping 3 hours nightly bec…
The birth of Patrick changed my marriage life from the two of us to the three of us, a family. We were excited, happy, worried followed by all kind of emotions for our baby son. So many things to learn, to experience. Breastfeeding, constant thoughts on our baby's well being especially when his jaundice appeared to rise during his first month. The lacking of sleep. There were moments I observed his breathing while he slept. We were amazed by every new mannerisms that Patrick displayed. We were so charmed when he first smiled to us. I would observed how gently my husband would treat Patrick and how Patrick would looked up to him, listening to his every word.
We were enjoying ourselves as new parents until something happened in the middle of November 2017 that changed our lives forever. "There is something not right with his stools."
My sister in law remarked to me while I tiredly changed Patrick's diapers. Mentally I can be exhausted as new mothers would be. We visited my s…
During updating Patrick's status to a friend of mine today, Patrick called out from the bed. I looked up to his dancing eyes and smiling face. This would usually put me in smiles. Instead, I watched his face more closely than usual. Much earlier this morning, closer to 2am, his vomit was mixed with blood. He was down with flu and cough since late last week. Earlier this week since Monday, the past couple of nights had been trying to us both. He woke up a few times coughing that caused him to vomit out his milk. For my readers who have not been aware, every night his nasogastric tube attached to a machine that pumped in milk throughout the night. I do this upon the doctor's advice to assist him to gain weight. HIs running nose irritated Patrick when its mucus dripped onto his upper lip. His body temperature did not appear to reach 37.5C and beyond. He has been active, as per his normal self except during the night he appeared to be more fussy than usual. He also appeared to want…