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"I know of many babies who died at that time. Many."
That was the journey of SJ with her BA daughter, who was ten years old on above mentioned date. SJ discovered that her daughter have BA when the nurse of the government clinic alerted her that her daughter's white stools were something unusual. That she must get a doctor to examine immediately. Eventually her baby had a liver transplant when her liver further deteriorated to a bad stage.
SJ is a friend of my husband. He has known her for many years.
Her words strike fear in my heart. My breaths temporarily stopped. My body became parched like a desert under the hot sun. I felt my body had heavy weights that were added suddenly, weighing me down on the sofa I was sitting on.
My broken heart over Patrick
Quickly, my eyes turned to my son. My husband was holding Patrick. I could see my husband's face was in shock and fear as well. We were totally unprepared for this.
SJ continued to share that she has seen marriages broke up because couples were unable to face the pressures of having BA baby. The complications that can happen during liver transplant. She knew of one case where the husband wanted to donate his liver to his baby. However, this man's mother strongly opposed. Which caused the breakdown of the marriage.
I am aware SJ indirectly telling us to be stronger in our marital partnership despite whatever hurdles and interferences may come our way.
There were moments where I noted slight tears formed in SJ's eyes while she shared her journey. It was very tough and challenging indeed especially when she almost lost her baby. Her Faith sustain her throughout the journey.
While emotional chaos was happening to the adults, the calm within the storm was Patrick. His interested eyes observing us keenly, trying to understand what we were discussing.
"Am I going to lose my son?" This thought completely broke my heart. "I only just had him. Is he going to die?"
Numbness seized my body. That familiar numbness I felt many years ago when I was a troubled teenager struggled with anorexia nervosa.
Instead of allowing these thoughts to sink me deeper, I decided to brush them aside.
I need to understand more of this. I need to. I told myself firmly while trying to absorb every little thing she shared with us.
Hearing the word, "death" made me realised that this is going to be a journey with my son that requires a lot of my strength, faith, endurance and especially love.
My prayers for strength and courage to face what is to come with Patrick
On a journey of uncertainty, confusion, chaos and emotional turbulence, that is when we turn to Faith. Some lost Faith when they did not get the answers they wanted or what they prayed for did not manifest. Some Faiths however strengthen despite the journey appearing more unknown and uncertain. To me, Faith is a personal journey. No one can tell you what you should do with your Faith. It's yours alone and not for others to dictate what it should be to their understanding. To their belief system. To their comfort zone. For God would show the ever faithful His Answer, His Direction. His Guidance. I remembered my Faith was weakened in the month of April 2018. Patrick's jaundice did not appear to be growing any better. In fact, it was steadily increasing in bilirubin. My mother questioned on why is he not getting any better. Sometimes I do not know how to answer her. How could I give her a definite answer when the doctors could not? On average, I had been sleeping 3 hours nightly bec…
The birth of Patrick changed my marriage life from the two of us to the three of us, a family. We were excited, happy, worried followed by all kind of emotions for our baby son. So many things to learn, to experience. Breastfeeding, constant thoughts on our baby's well being especially when his jaundice appeared to rise during his first month. The lacking of sleep. There were moments I observed his breathing while he slept. We were amazed by every new mannerisms that Patrick displayed. We were so charmed when he first smiled to us. I would observed how gently my husband would treat Patrick and how Patrick would looked up to him, listening to his every word.
We were enjoying ourselves as new parents until something happened in the middle of November 2017 that changed our lives forever. "There is something not right with his stools."
My sister in law remarked to me while I tiredly changed Patrick's diapers. Mentally I can be exhausted as new mothers would be. We visited my s…
When I saw Patrick's stained fingers, I observed closely it was blood. I assumed the stain came from his ears again. I observed - no wound. I checked on his arms and legs. No wounds as well. I was puzzled where the stain came from. Then I had a sudden thought - check his diapers. When I saw the bloodstain on the diapers, I panicked and called my husband to come upstairs quickly. When he reached the room, I told him Patrick is bleeding. "where?", he asked "Anus." I pointed to his diapers and then his anus stained blood. It had never happened like this before. Usually there were droplets of blood together with his stools. Even that rarely happened. "Is it starting?", my worried thoughts came. When I glanced towards my husband's face, he too have similar thoughts. "It" refer to liver damage. My husband advised me to clean up his anus. After the blood stain was cleaned, my husband took a closer look. "There is a cut near the anus hole." …